Seems easy to some people but for me I have been thinking what to do next with my life. If you are like me thinking “I don’t know what should I do with my life now”, well we are on the same boat… FOR YEARS. I tried reading some articles, blogs and stuffs I can find in the internet but 99% of it just says “Do what you want to do, know what you are good at” but what if just like me you don’t know what you want to do? I don’t know what I am good at. After graduation (I have a degree in Computer Science btw) it seems like I don’t know myself anymore. I don’t know what I wanted to do and what I should do for a living. I am afraid that I might get into a job which I don’t like. At first I thought that I need to be picky, I should know what I want so I can do something I really love (and enjoy) while earning money, but then after months of overthinking stuffs I got desperate and applied to all the job openings listed in Jobstreet. Some I passed, some I didn’t LOL! I wasn’t serious that time, I just thought I just need to do it but I know deep down that is not what I wanted. So some of those jobs I applied called me and since I know that job isn’t for me (and some other stuffs happened) I just turned it down, some I didn’t go to the final interview while the jobs that I really wanted to get (not because of the job itself but because its a good company) I always fail either in exams or interviews. As time passes by getting “NO” from the companies gets through me and felt like it became too heavy and too hard to hear. I know it is my fault but hey in all the exams I took I gave it my 100%! Looking back, my mistake is that I didn’t chose the jobs I applied and just go even if its not my forte. I got depressed and thought I am not good in anything. I thought negative things about myself and that broke my confidence which I used to have before and just after graduation. I felt bad in every family gathering. I felt I am the only one so useless, so small.
I think you shouldn’t feel bad having depression and instead deal with it. Talk to people, breathe fresh air. Do what you feel like doing. As for me, this is one step on fixing myself. I used to love writing my feelings (You guys don’t know how many journals I had back in high school years hahaha!). What made me tried writing again? Well…
I finally faced it, I am depressed (right now tons of stuffs happening to me and they aren’t good btw but I’ll save it for next time) I still don’t have job right now but I am finally back on track… what I mean by that is I am fixing my life slowly. I started following accounts in instagram that motivates me to move and go on with my life. I stopped what I usually do and just go to a quiet corner and meditate. I read up on what I should do to know myself and know what I truly wanted to do. I wrote it all down (that’s why I am here!)
For now, doing this I feel so refreshed and I don’t know why. Maybe because I am doing something that (I forgotten) I used to love? Or maybe because I’m not keeping my thoughts to myself anymore? I seriously don’t know but if you do find yourself in this kind of situation, try to stop at what you are doing, clear your mind and write down what are the things you love, what are you passionate about even when you are still a kid. Then one by one try to do it. Hopefully it will help you (and me as well! ) I will try to focus more on the things I listed. Let’s get back on track together!
Tell me how you deal with your problems so I can try it out too 🙂